*1. High school started before 8am, but now anything before noon is considered “early”.

2. You have more beer than food in your fridge.

3. Weekends start on Thursday.

4. 6am is when you go to sleep, not when you wake up.

5. You know many different ways to cook ramen noodles or macaroni and cheese.

6. The health center gives out free condoms, and people take them… just in case.

7. Instead of falling asleep in class, you stay in bed.

8. You know how late McDonald’s, Taco Bell, Qdoba, etc. are open.

9. You think it’s the weekend on a Wednesday and you don’t know what month it is.

10. You can’t remember the last time you washed your car.

11. Your underwear/sock supply dictates your laundry schedule.

12. You check Facebook/Myspace more than once a day.

13. You get drunk dialed on any night of the week.

14. You wash dishes in the bathroom sink.

15. You’ve fallen off a loft bed.

*16. You talk about beer pong like it’s a sport.

17. Finding random people in your house is perfectly normal, and you even sympathize with them… sometimes when you wake up you have no idea where you are.

*18. Your primary news sources are the Daily Show and the Colbert Report.

19. You open a beer at 10 am and your roommate asks you if there’s more.

20. The standard of meals per day falls to two, sometimes just one.

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1. Don’t pick on the weak. It’s immoral. Don’t antagonize the strong without cause, its stupid.

2. Don’t hate women. It’s a waste of time

3. Invest in yourself. Material things come to those that have self actualized.

4. Get in a fistfight, even if you are going to lose.

5. As a former Marine, take it from me. Don’t join the military, unless you want to risk getting your balls blown off to secure other people’s economic or political interests.

6. If something has a direct benefit to an individual or a class of people, and a theoretical, abstract, or amorphous benefit to everybody else, realize that the proponent’s intentions are to benefit the former, not the latter, no matter what bullshit they try to feed you.

7. Don’t be a Republican. They are self-dealing crooks with no sense of honor or patriotism to their fellow citizens. If you must be a Republican, don’t be a “conservative.” They are whining, bitching, complaining, simple-minded self-righteous idiots who think they’re perpetual victims. Listen to talk radio for a while, you’ll see what I mean.

8. Don’t take proffered advice without a critical analysis. 90% of all advice is intended to benefit the proponent, not the recipient. Actually, the number is probably closer to 97%, but I don’t want to come off as cynical.

9. You’ll spend your entire life listening to people tell you how much you owe them. You don’t owe the vast majority of people shit.
10. Don’t undermine your fellow young men. Mentor the young men that come after you. Society recognizes that you have the potential to be the most power force in society. It scares them. Society does not find young men sympathetic. They are afraid of you, both individually and collectively. Law enforcement’s primary purpose is to suppress you.

11. As a young man, you’re on your own. Society divides and conquers. Unlike women who have advocates looking out for them (NOW, Women’s Study Departments, government, non-profit organizations, political advocacy groups) almost no one is looking out for you.

12. Young men provide the genius and muscle by which our society thrives. Look at the Silicone Valley. By in large, it was not old men or women that created the revolution we live. Realize that society steals your contributions, secures it with our intellectual property laws, and then takes credit and the rewards where none is due.

13. Know that few people have your best interests at heart. Your mother does. Your father probably does (if he stuck around). Your siblings are on your side. Everybody else worries about themselves.

14. Don’t be afraid to tell people to “Fuck off” when need be. It is an important skill to acquire. As they say, speak your piece, even if your voice shakes.

15. Acquire empathy, good interpersonal skills, and confidence. Learn to read body language and non-verbal communication. Don’t just concentrate on your vocational or technical skills, or you’ll find your wife fucking somebody else.

16. Keep fit.

17. Don’t speak ill of your wife/girlfriend. Back her up against the world, even if she’s wrong. She should know that you have her back. When she needs your help, give it. She should know that you’ll take her part.

18. Don’t cheat on your wife/girlfriend. If you must cheat, don’t humiliate her. Don’t risk having your transgressions come back to her or her friends. Don’t do it where you live. Don’t do it with people in your social circle. Don’t shit in your own back yard.

19. If your girlfriend doesn’t make you feel good about yourself and bring joy to your life, fire her. That’s what girlfriends are for.

20. Don’t bother with “emotional affairs.” They are just a vehicle for women to flirt and have someone make them feel good about themselves. That’s the part of a relationship they want. For you it is a lot of work and investment in time. If they are having an emotional affair with you, they’re probably fucking someone else.

21. Becoming a woman’s friend and confidant is not going to get you into an intimate relationship. If you haven’t gotten the girl within a reasonably short period of time, chances are you won’t ever get her. She’ll end up confiding to you about the sexual adventures she’s having with someone else.

22. Have and nurture friendships with women.

23. Realize that love is a numbers game. Guys fall in love easily. You’re going to see some girl and feel like you’ll die if you don’t get her. If she rejects you, move on to the next one. It’s her loss.

24. Don’t be an Internet troll. Got out and live life. There is not a cadre of beautiful women advertising on Craigslist to have NSA sex with you. Beautiful women don’t need to advertise. The websites that advertise with attractive women’s photos and claims of loneliness are baloney. All they want is your money and your personal information so that they can market to you. The posts on Craigslist by young “women” seeking NSA sex, and asking for a picture are just a bunch of gay troll pic collectors. This is especially true if the post uses common gay lexicon like “hole” as in “fuck my hole” or seeks “masculine” men, or uses the word cock (except in the context of “Don’t send a cock shot.”) There are women on Craigslist. They are easily recognizable by their 2-5 paragraph postings. Most are in their 30’s or older.

25. When you become a man in full, know that people will get in your way. People who are attracted to you will somehow manage to step in your path. Gay guys will give you “the look.” Old people will somehow stumble in front of you at the worst time. Don’t get frustrated. Just step aside and go about your business. Know that these are passive aggressive methods to get you to acknowledge their existence.

26. Don’t gay bash. Don’t mentally or physically abuse people because of who they are, or how they present themselves. It’s none of your business to try to intimidate people into conformity.

27. If your gay, admit it to yourself, your parents, your friends and society at large. Be prepared to get harassed. See rule 14. If someone threatens you or assaults you, call the cops. Have them arrested. You have no obligation to self sacrifice because of who you are. As a gay person, you’ll have more social freedom than straight men. Use it to protect yourself. Be prepared to get out of Dodge if your orientation makes your life unbearable. Move to San Francisco, New York, Atlanta, or New Orleans. You’ll find a welcoming community there.

28. Don’t be a poser. Avoid being one of those dudes who puts a surfboard on top of their car, but never surfs, or a dude with a powder coated fixed gear bike and a messenger bag, but was never a messenger. Live the life. Earn your bona fides.

29. Don’t believe the crap about the patriarchy. More women are accepted and attend college. More degrees are awarded to women than men. Women outlive men. More men commit suicide. Men are twice as likely to be victims of violence, including murder. If you consider sexual assaults in prisons, twice as many men are raped as women (society thinks prison rape is funny). The streets are littered with homeless men, sprinkled with a few homeless women. Statically, women are happier than men. The myth that girls are being cheated by are educational system is belied by the fact that schools are bastions of femininity, mostly run by and taught by women. Girls outperform boys in school. It is the boys in school getting fucked over, and prescribed ritalin for being boys. Real wages for men are falling, while real wages for women are rising. Just because someone says something enough times, doesn’t make it true. You have nothing to feel guilty about.

30. Remember, 97% of all advice is worthless. Take what you can use, and trash the rest.

vicioustwist
san francisco
02-15-07

 

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Ok, so everyone knows cigarette smoke stinks and it makes you stand out like Don King at a bald mans convention. But how do we get rid of that smell? Chances are if you’re a smoker like me, you want to avoid smelling like funk, but how to accomplish that. How to get rid of stuff.com, in addition to articles on how to get rid of stains, pests and people, has a great article on how to get rid of cigarette odors. 

The article is divided into two sections – one for smokers and one for non-smokers. Click HERE to go the article.

 

Here are a few of my own tips for removing cigarette smells from yourself:

1) Brush your teeth – fastest way to remove the smell from your mouth. If you can’t brush, use mouthwash to rinse.

2)Chew gum – helps remove odor, but takes a longer time then brushing your teeth.

3) Wash your hands with toothpaste – THIS IS KEY! This is the fastest way to remove that smoke smell from your hands. Take a little bit of toothpaste and wash your hands with it. The smell is gone in seconds.

4) Wear gloves – like the disposable ones you get at the hospital (rubber). Prevents odor build up on your hand from ever occurring. I keep a glove handy in my bag just in case.

5) Spray off with deodorant – Since its not always possible to keep cologne lying around all the time, keep a can of Axe or any other cheap deodorant so that you can quickly spray off and get back to your normal duties.

6) Drink coffee or tea – masks the odor of smoke very well and gives you an excuse as to why you smell funky.

 

The OrganizeIT weblog has a new post that outlines what they believe to be the four stages of productivity:

  1. Plan
  2. Do
  3. Complete
  4. Reward

Give it a read and who knows, maybe it will increase your productivity too.

 

//Originally found on Lifehack.org//

 

The Productivity Cycle – [OrganizeIT]

 

Stress, stress stress… The one thing we all have too much of and can’t get rid of fast enough. Seems like stress is just as much a part of our daily lives as taking a shower or eating meals. But is it avoidable? Can we really live stress free lives? Don’t ask me… I’m stressed out trying to figure out the answer myself. Just kidding. 🙂

Stress according to is defined as:

Stress: Forces from the outside world impinging on the individual. Stress is a normal part of life that can help us learn and grow. Conversely, stress can cause us significant problems.

Stress releases powerful neurochemicals and hormones that prepare us for action (to fight or flee). If we don’t take action, the stress response can lead to health problems. Prolonged, uninterrupted, unexpected, and unmanageable stresses are the most damaging types of stress.

Early separation from mother can lead to altered stress responses and depression later in life. The stresses of the mother can affect the stress response of the fetus, and perhaps predispose the child to psychiatric illness later in life.

Many of our ways in dealing with stress — drugs, pain medicines, alcohol, smoking, and eating — actually are counterproductive in that they can worsen the stress and can make us more reactive (sensitive) to further stress.

Stress can be best managed by regular exercise, meditation or other relaxation techniques, structured time outs, and learning new coping strategies to create predictability in our lives. The management of stress depend mainly on the willingness of a person to make the changes necessary for a healthy lifestyle.”

Texas Woman’s University has a great article about . Seems only natural that the fairer gender should know how to solve the issue of stress, when they are the one’s who seem to have more of it then men like me who bang their heads against the wall to solve their problems. Its worth a good read and bookmark if you ask me.

Here is an exerpt from the article:

 

  1. Get up fifteen minutes earlier in the morning. The inevitable morning mishaps will be less stressful.
  2. Prepare for the morning the evening before. Set the breakfast table, make lunches, put out the clothes you plan to wear, etc.
  3. Don’t rely on your memory. Write down appointment times, when to pick up the laundry, when library books are due, etc.
  4. Do nothing which, after being done, leads you to tell a lie.
  5. Make duplicates of all keys. Bury a house key in a secret spot in the garden and carry a duplicate car key in your wallet, apart from your key ring.

Enjoy and here’s to stress free living!

Nice… For all my Nintendorks out there… 😉

College is an expensive proposition, but a degree helps in getting a good career and comfortable life. Here are a few tips on reducing your expenses. Most of the suggestions are aimed at college students. A few are general enough that anyone can use them.

Ask the Advisor has a great article about 136 ways you can save money in college.

***Your Birthdate: March 30***

You have the type of personality that people either love or hate.
You’re opinionated, dramatic, intense, and very outspoken.
And some people can’t get enough of you – they’re totally addicted.
Others, well, they wish you were a little more reserved.

Your strength: Your flair

Your weakness: If you think it, you say it

Your power color: Scarlet red

Your power symbol: Inverted triangle

Your power month: March

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?
http://www.blogthings.com/whatdoesyourbirthdatemeanquiz/

Taken from the Cancer Blog:

“A U.K. researcher confirms what many dog lovers already know — dogs are good for your health.

Apparently, dog owners are generally healthier than non-pet-owners. They have lower blood pressure and cholesterol, suffer fewer minor ailments, and stray from serious medical problems too. Dogs can prevent their owners from getting sick, help them recover more quickly when they do fall ill, and they can even warn of cancer, heart attack, epileptic seizures, and hypoglycemia, says Dr. Deborah Wells from the Canine Behaviour Centre of Queens University in Northern Ireland…”

Click here to read more from Cancer Blog.

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Had this thought last night while roasting Caroline at Jackie’s restaurant.

“An arrogant winner is a loser.” – Mazhar Khan 1.13.2007

For those who don’t know, the Wikipedia has this to say about what a “Roast” is:

“A roast, in North American English, is an event in which an individual is subject to publicly bearing insults, praise, outlandish true and untrue stories, and heartwarming tributes.

It is seen as a great honor to be roasted, as the individual is surrounded by friends, fans, and well-wishers, who can receive some of the same treatment as well during the course of the evening.

The party and presentation itself are both referred to as a roast. The host of the event is called the roastmaster. It is also known as a burn, as one is insulted (usually a skew on what said person spoke), various peers will call “Burn!”. In short, it is both the opposite and the same as a “toast” [citation needed].”

I’d like people to know that, there is a fine line between cracking a joke at someone and getting them to laugh with you and not knowing when to shut up. Ending up pushing the limits and offending someone.

If you’ve ever been hurt by my burns or comedy, chances are you deserved it. Probably left you laughing at yourself.

For the rest of y’all. Thanks for bearing with the randomness and scrutiny. You know I love you all.

Laugh a little.

You don’t have to be retarded to be retarded.

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